Sunday

"Can I call 'em or what? Miss Japan has won the title of..." or at least that is how this post should have started. In reality the clown from Puerto Rico, wearing a lame lamé coil the rich color of a French fry, took Trump's international peacock crown tonight. I will not be linking to a picture because the whole thing is such a scam. The inauspicious panel was made up of two Puerto Ricans, several highly-qualified reality show contestants, and Tom fucking Green. This clever herd managed to muck up at every stage: we all gasped when Miss Venezuela did not even make the top twenty (don't be surprised if the Venezuelan press blames an anti-Chavez US government fix like they did last time). We hooted in derision when the beautiful Miss Ethiopia did not make it into the top ten. Then we just stared in disbelief as Miss México, favored to win, was not counted among the five finalists. By this point, the only real beauty contestant on stage was Miss Japan. The rest were pretty bottom barrel: one Miss in a pink prom dress, one in phlegm green decoupage, and one I cannot even remember only forty minutes later. Miss Japan was great, multi-lingual, a fan of the Nouvelle Vague, and she carried a sword (though the best national costume was probably Trinidad and Tobago, wearing, well, paint). Yeah, I know four of my five readers didn’t watch this, but I spent a fair amount of time watching Sunshine get all excited about it, and had a good party at the Zix' house, and then--until the last damn minute--I thought I had won, picked the right horse, gained the respect and notoriety that comes with winning a basement drinking game. So Alas. [Cavin]