Sunday, July 23, 2006

Saturday

In honor of tomorrow's popular intergalactic aesthetic talent event, the Miss Universe Pageant, here are the rules of the eponymous drinking game, a time-tested ritual. First, it is necessary for each player to choose a contestant from the outset (it is routine to either pick a woman representing a favored country or to just shout out "her!" during the national dress parade, the first televised event). This Miss will be your chess piece as the game advances, her performance dictates your scoring. It is important to have a contestant in play; you might need to pick another one if your first choice fails to make it into subsequent rounds. I would very much like to choose Miss Japan, whose costume is the traditional "Samurai Stripper Robot." Sunshine always takes Miss Venezuela, who will be dressed as "Spiegel Matador." After choosing, you begin playing the game. You must drink when any of the following happens: 1) your contestant stumbles or in some way messes up verbally, facially, or physically--or really any moment everyone begins to pick on her by yelling "drink!" at you. 2) Whenever any contestant or announcer mentions god, the children, or the great number of beautiful women on stage. You have to especially drink if the announcer gets flirty about it. 3) Whenever any contestant wears something mind-bogglingly ugly, wears feathers on her dress or in her hair, or accidentally gets naked. 4) Whenever the announcers change clothes. 5) When another player's contestant wins a round, advancing into some level of the finals; and when yours does not (and then you choose a new contestant). Lastly, you have to drink when everyone yells "drink;" or when, throughout the game, new criteria are enacted and displayed. This will air Sunday night on planet Earth. Good Luck. [Cavin]

Then, a 7 sided conversation ensued...

To which Blogger qemuel added:

Now THIS makes me wish I had cable!

I'd like to see "Samurai Stripper Robot" and "Spiegel Matador" fight it out to the death on the field of justice!

Monday, July 24, 2006 9:58:00 AM  
To which Anonymous Anonymous added:

Please. Mr Cavin. Can I have a drawing of what Phil described? Please! -Chris

Monday, July 24, 2006 11:29:00 AM  
To which Blogger Mr. Cavin added:

Would that it were so. There is no "fighting it out" (there’s not even a talent) or there would be a lot more women like this year's Misses Venezuela or Ethiopia, and a lot less of the asexual and rickety painted stick figures we are used to seeing in this contest. Or, you know, more armed ones like Miss Japan. Between the two above, I guess I would have to put my money on the South American. Miss Japan was cute and smart, but that Venezuelan just looked brutal. Not that she was onscreen tonight for more than a few seconds.

I'll tell you what, Chris, you make me a bunch of national costume collage bookmarks, here's the link to all of them, and I will draw you the picture you want when they show up in the mail. Deal? Now get to work.

Monday, July 24, 2006 12:58:00 PM  
To which Blogger Mr. Cavin added:

I know this post is pretty old, and I am certain there is no danger of anyone ever accidentally reading it. But here you are, and I am worried that the effect of the above, since all its links have been brutally 404ed less than a week after my post date, will not be as rewarding as intended. To correct for that, I thought I would offer this link instead: click me, where you can find the same stuff, though you will have to jump through more hoops to get there. The link will take you to a cute picture of my fave, Miss Japan, and you can use the "Select a Contestant" menu in the sidebar to swing over to my other faves, Misses Venezuela and Trinidad & Tobago. Now, wasn't it easier the other way?

Tuesday, August 01, 2006 1:04:00 PM  
To which Anonymous Anonymous added:

Oh dear. This is a must. Phillip is allowed to watch this at my house if I do actually get that coverage. If not, I vote we storm Ian's house and take over.

Alas, the link you post hasted no longer works either but you can still just go to globalbeauties.com and access all that jazz btw.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008 8:03:00 AM  
To which Anonymous Anonymous added:

Never mind. I was one day too late. Damn. But congrats to Miss Venezuela for winning the 5th time in a row.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008 8:05:00 AM  
To which Blogger Mr. Cavin added:

Side note to future historians (and Nix): the best reason I can imagine that the second links I threw into the comments here don't work is that this was all posted back in 2006. The National Costumes information available right now! today! at Global Beauties dot com is the information from the 2008 pageant. Since you are time traveling Nix, you should have no problem beaming back to catch the show, um, yesterday (or yesteryear!). If you are confused historian, Venezuela did not win anything in 2006, though I liked that brutish Miss quite a lot. Mostly, me liking them don't mean squat, though. Hope this clears things up.

Friday, July 18, 2008 1:22:00 AM  

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